Parshat Vayigash - Some Questions Are Better Than Their Answers

As educators, we are taught to encourage our students to question, think deeply and not to take everything at face value. There are some questions that are better than their answers. In this week’s parsha, I believe we find one such example. The parsha describes the story of Yaakov and Yosef being reunited. After years of thinking that Yosef is dead, Yaakov is told that Yosef is alive and he travels to Egypt to meet him. Imagine the scene, the emotion, the excitement. When they finally see each other, the Torah says,

וירא אליו ויפל על צואריו ויבך על צואריו עוד (מו:כט)

According to most commentaries, this means that Yosef saw Yaakov, he fell on his neck and wept. Rashi points out the usage of the word ויבך, and he cried, is singular. This is meant to teach us that only Yosef cried. Really? Yaakov who had just found out that his son was alive and he doesn’t cry? What is even more difficult to understand is that Rashi says the reason Yaakov didn’t cry at that moment (I am sure he did cry later, even though the text doesn’t discuss it) is because he was busy reciting Kriat Shema. Of all the time in the day to say Shema, now Yaakov says it? Could he not have said it earlier in the day? Later in the day? And why didn’t Yosef have to say Shema at that moment?

Let’s explore a few solutions to these questions; but think we might come to the realization that the question is in fact better than the answer.

1. Since Yosef had attained a level of malchut in Egypt and there is a commandment for Jews to honour malchut, Yaakov was actually on a mitzvah mission to honour malchut. Additionally, there is a principle of עוסק במצוה פטור מן המצוה, that one who is involved in mitzvah is exempt from other mitzvot that come his way, for fear that he might not fulfill the first one properly. Therefore, until the scene of being reunited, Yaakov was exempt from the mitzvah of Shema. Only once he arrived and showed honour to the malchut completing that mitzvah, did his obligation of reciting Shema return. He thus had to fulfill it before losing the opportunity.
2. With a slightly different twist, the K’tav Sofer suggests that Yaakov came to show honour to the malchut, to Yosef as a king. But Yaakov wanted to show he was coming to honour Yosef due to the malchut that Hashem had bestowed upon him -- not because of some honour that Pharaoh bestowed. For this reason, he stopped to say Shema, which is the ultimate display of accepting the yolk of heaven upon oneself.
3. The Maharal says that the moment Yaakov saw Yosef, he understood that it was not just that Yosef was alive, but that he was a king. He now understood the chesed that Hashem had performed and thus he recited Shema at that moment to declare his acceptance of the yolk of heaven. This teaches us that when something good happens to us, the first thing we need to remember is that only through the chesed of Hashem do good things happen to us.
4. The sefer Kol Yehuda remarks that as part of Shema, we recite, ואהבת את ה׳ אלוקך בכל לבבך ולכל נפשך, this implies that loving Hashem supersedes the level of any other love that one has.  Therefore, since Yaakov had so much difficulty in his life, whenever he would say ואהבת את ה׳ it was not such a novelty because he didn’t have that much else to love aside from Hashem. However, at a momentous event like meeting up with Yosef, that Yaakov felt the love of Hashem בכל לבבו, and thus he recited Shema.
5. My friend, Jeff Kirshblum suggests an alternate idea in that Yaakov lived a very difficult life. He grew up with an evil twin brother, he struggled with his father-in-law, Lavan. He was led to believe that his beloved son Yosef had been brutally murdered. One might suggest that Yaakov lived a difficult life. Even the years he studied in the Yeshiva of Shem and Eber, he was constantly worried that Eisov might catch up with him. When he met Rachel, he foresaw her early death and he had to work additional years to marry her. It was Yaakov’s faith in Hashem that sustained him throughout the years. When he was finally reunited with Yosef, this could have been the first moment of unadulterated joy he had known in years, maybe even ever. Yaakov took that joy and used it to thank Hashem. How could he not take this wonderful moment to thank Hashem? The message here is that we often turn to Hashem when things are difficult and we need His help. Yaakov is teaching us that we need to thank Hashem at times of joy as well.

I leave it to you to decide;  are any of these answers as good as the question?

Parshat Miketz - Dreams: What Do They Really Mean?

The parsha begins with the famous episode of Pharaoh’s dream. There is a vision of seven robust and beautiful cows that emerge from the river, followed by seven ugly and skeletal cows. The ugly and skeletal cows proceed to consume the robust and beautiful cows, whereupon Pharaoh awakens from the dream. He then falls back asleep and has a second dream, seeing seven healthy ears of grain sprouting forth from the ground, followed by seven thin and scorched ears of grain. In a similar pattern, the seven skinny and scorched ears proceed to consume the seven healthy ears. The pasuk then says something quite interesting that I never stopped before to think about:

ויהי בבקר ותפעם רוחו וישלח ויקרא את כל חרטמי מצרים ואת כל חכמיה ויספר פרעה להם את חלמו  ואין פותר אותם לפרעה. (מא,ח)

“And it was in the morning: His spirit was agitated, so he went and summoned all the necromancers of Egypt and all its wise men; Pharoah related his dream to them, but none could interpret them for Pharaoh.”

We all have dreams. Some  more memorable than others. What in the world was so concerning about this dream that Pharaoh awoke after the first dream? What could have gotten him so agitated after the second dream that had him call in all of his advisors and magicians to help him understand the dream? Why was he so concerned?

Rav Shimon Schwab suggests that as a powerful ruler, Pharaoh was used to seeing the strong defeat the weak, and the many defeat the few. Being the ruler of a powerful and strong country, he had been sitting confident. When he suddenly saw a vision of the weak eating the strong and then the same vision came a second time, he was scared that perhaps this was a message that his throne was in danger of being overtaken. This is why he called in his magicians and advisors; to share both his concern and his need for being sure he was understanding the message correctly.

It is therefore not a coincidence that parshat Miketz always falls out on Chanukah, as a hint to infer that the weak can in fact defeat the strong. This juxtaposition reinforces that Pharaoh’s concern was real and well founded. It appears that Hashem used this vision to “wake” up Pharaoh to confirm his interpretation. What is interesting is that this was not the ultimate message Hashem intended for Pharaoh to walk away with.

The above explains why Pharaoh was concerned. But how are we to understand the end of the pasuk? Despite repeated attempts by his magicians, Pharaoh was not convinced any of them had interpreted the dream properly. Why didn’t he like their interpretations? Furthermore, a young Jewish child is taken out of prison. He interprets the dream and immediately Pharaoh and his officers agree  he got it right. What is going on here? Why did they like his interpretation better?

One could argue the Egyptian magicians suggested interpretations like the one where Pharaoh would have seven sons, and then they would die, and other such suggestions that would affect Pharaoh personally (see Rashi). Yosef’s interpretation stood out because his dream was big; it wasn’t about Pharaoh as a person, but rather it was about Pharaoh as a leader. It was about his country; that there would be seven great agricultural years, followed by seven years of famine. Yosef explained that Hashem was warning Pharaoh to save his people by saving up food during the years of plenty. Pharaoh was a wise leader; he understood  this interpretation had to be correct; that Hashem was speaking to him as a leader.

The message for us? We have to see life beyond ourselves as individuals. For those of us who are married, we have to see the world as “we.” For those of us who have children, we have to see the world as “we.” All of us have a place in the community, and as the saying goes, “we rise by lifting others.” We, the collective we, should always seek ways in which to help another; to be a source of guidance and support. Apropos at this time of the year: The shamash is the candle that lights the others. Be a shamash.

Chanukah: The Laws and Customs

In lieu of my usual Thought on the Parsha, I share with you two articles and nine audio shiurim on the Laws of Chanukah.

Articles

1. The Laws of Chanukah

2. A Chanukah Dilema

Audio Shiurim
CLICK HERE for the accompanying sefer "Shloshim Yom Kodem L'chag"

1. Laws of Chanukah #1 - Introduction 
    
2. Laws of Chanukah #2 - Additions to Tefilla, Who is Obligated to light the Menorah?
    
3. Laws of Chanukah #3 - Time for Lighting
    
4. Laws of Chanukah #4 - The Candles, Oil, and Wicks
    
5. Laws of Chanukah #5 - Proper Placement of the Menorah
    
6. Laws of Chanukah #6 - The Brachos, Which Direction to Light From?
    
7. Laws of Chanukah #7 - Lighting a Candle from another Candle, Hadlakah Ose Mitzvah
    
8. Laws of Chanukah #8 - Deriving Benefit from the Candles, Lighting When Away from Home
    
9. Laws of Chanukah #9 - Guest Part 2, Lighting in Shul, Erev Shabbat, Motsei Shabbat

A Chanukah Dilema

With Chanukah fast approaching, I thought we would take a detour from our typical parsha thought and take a look at one aspect of this special upcoming holiday.

Every year in early November, I am confronted with the same halachic dilemma.  In the mail, I have received an invitation to the wedding of a friend or family member.  The problem is that the wedding date is the Sunday of Chanukah and the wedding is called for 4:00 pm.  You are probably wondering what could be the problem with a wedding during Chanukah?  Moreover, why is the problem specific to Sunday?

Of course, there is nothing wrong with a Chanukah wedding, in fact what better day of joy is there to get married on.  However, the problem that we are faced with is, when to light the Chanukah candles?

The normal time for lighting the candles is sometime at or after sunset (depending on your custom – see Shulchan Aruch Orach Chayim 572/1.)  On the average year, that means you light at or after 4:45 pm. (Toronto time) If it is impossible to wait until sunset to light, the question arises if one can light earlier? In fact, this is the subject of great debate, to which the Shulchan Aruch (572/2) rules that one may light from Plag Haminchah, which is 1 and ¼ halachic hours before the stars appear, in the average year approximately 3:35.  The Mishnah Berurah  (572/2) even permits you to make the brachot in such a case.

A second halacha to keep in mind is that not only do we begin lighting after sunset, but preferably the latest time to light is “until the people cease to walk about in the street.”(Shabbos 21b)  Although the Shulchan Aruch (572/2) says that this is only thirty minutes after sunset, Rav Moshe Shternbuch (Teshuvos V’hanhagos Vol. 1. Siman 390) says that nowadays, since out door lighting allows people to walk in the streets until a much later time, one could light the candles until approximately 9:00 pm.  This is of course only the latest time to light if you are depending on people outdoors seeing the candles, thus fulfilling the aspect of Pirsumei Nisa.  However, if there are people awake in the home, one may light even past 9:00 pm. (Mishnah Berurah 572/11)

With the wedding called for 4:00 pm, when are we to light candles?  

There are three possible alternatives and one must determine which of them apply to one’s individual situation.  The first alternative would be to light just before leaving for the wedding (assuming that is after Plag Haminchah).  However, this is obviously not a preferable option since the Shulchan Aruch permits it only in a case of great need and although the Mishnah Berurah permits one to recite a bracha on such a lighting, that is subject to great debate and therefore, should only be relied upon when absolutely necessary.  

The second option would be to appoint a Shaliach (agent) to light for you in your home at the proper time.  This is obviously not always logistically possible, but if it is, one may want to consider it in certain circumstances.  

The third possibility would be to wait until one returns home from the wedding to light.  However, since that will likely be after the time “people cease to walk about in the street,” this would only be permissible if there is at least one other family member up while the candles burn.

Which option is more halachically preferable?  That question is easy.  Wait until 4:30, light at the proper time and then go to the wedding late.  Unfortunately, that will often not be a socially acceptable alternative.  The use of an agent to light for you would not be the best alternative in this scenario because of the principle that “Mitzvah Bo Yoter Mi B’shlucho,” which means that it is better to do a mitzvah personally than through the use of an agent. The use of an agent then would only be used in a case where you are leaving to go on a trip and will not have a chance to light later on, and then it is better to use an agent to light at the proper time for you in your house than for you to light at Plag Haminchah. (Sheivet Halavi Vol. 4, Siman 6)

Therefore, we are left to decide between lighting early at Plag Haminchah or later upon returning from the wedding.  It would appear that since as mentioned previously many authorities do not permit you to make a bracha when lighting at Plag Haminchah, it would be preferable to light late upon returning from the wedding.  Again, it is important to note that this is only permissible if there is another family member up when you are lighting.  (Piskei Teshuvos 572/3)

If this is the case, we are left with one more challenge. There is a halacha that when we have mitzvot that have to be done at a certain time, we are not allowed to eat a meal before performing the mitzvah, lest we forget to do the mitzvah. For example, we are not allowed to eat once nightfall hits before doing bedikat chametz, on Friday night, we are not allowed to eat once Shabbat begins until we recite kiddush, etc. So too here, once it gets dark, one is not allowed to eat before lighting the menorah. So does my suggestion really work? How can you enjoy the wedding if you cannot eat?

I once presented this question to Rav Hershel Schachter, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva University and he told me there was an easy solution to this problem. Since the whole concern is that we might come to forget to do the mitzvah, if you ask someone to formally remind you later when you get home that you need to light the menorah, that reminder is good enough to remove the concern, thus allowing you to eat and enjoy the wedding meal.

I hope it is now clear why I am hesitant to open any wedding invitation that I receive in early November. And although I do not wish to complicate the planning of a wedding any more than necessary, it seems clear that it would be preferable to have the wedding begin sometime after sunset as to permit the proper fulfillment of the mitzvah of lighting Chanukah candles.  However, if that is not an option for the caterer or if you are just a guest invited to a wedding, then we have outlined a course of action that can help you both enjoy the great simcha of a wedding as well as fulfill the mitzvah of lighting Chanukah candles.

Parshat Yayishlach - Sticking Up for Ourselves

In the early 1900’s when street lamps were first being installed in Israel, one of the first to be installed was done on the street of the tzadik known as the Chazon Ishe. One evening as he was walking home with his students, he stopped and abruptly said, “You see, we can all learn something from these new lights.” The students were intrigued to hear what he meant by this. He said that when you are far away from the lights, your shadow is very big, but as you move closer to the light, your shadow shrinks until it is totally gone. The Chazon Ishe said that the same is true with Torah. When you are far from it, you think you are big; you think the Torah is small and there isn’t much to it. But the more Torah you learn and the closer you get to it, the more you realize how big it is, how small you are and how much more there is to learn.

This story came to me this week when I began to review the troublesome story of Shechem, Dinah and ultimately Shimon and Levi killing out the entire city. I came into the story with many questions that I had hoped to explore and find answers to. But because the Torah is so huge, I ended up exploring an entirely different question. Here it goes:

The Torah tells us that Yaakov and his sons were outraged with Shechem and his attempt to take Dinah. Shimon and Levi plotted together to get Shechem and his city to undergo a Brit Milah so that they would weaken, allowing them to be killed more easily. That in fact turned into reality, and on the third day after the Brit, Shimon and Levi went ahead and killed Shechem, his father and the entire city. The question that I never asked myself was, why didn’t anyone come to the aid of Shechem and his people? Shechem was a popular and powerful individual and it must have taken some time to kill all of the men in the city. Why didn’t intervene to fight off Shimon and Levi?

An old friend of mine, Jeff Kirshblum, in his book, “Thinking Outside of the Box” suggests a sad, but novel answer. He says the unfortunate reality is that throughout Jewish History, we have had to look out for ourselves since none of our neighbors are willing to lookout for us. Despite terrorist acts against the Jews in Israel, the world continues to ignore us.

Just last week with the killing of Ezra Schwartz a”h, despite him being an American citizen, the President of the United States did not come out publicly to denounce the attacks. Even for a U.S. citizen? his how the world works and we as Jews have to recognize it, so that we continue to look out for each other and ourselves. Perhaps with this we can understand why no one came to the aid of Shechem and his people. Once they took the step to have a Brit Milah, the rest of the world saw them as on the road to being Jews, and thus had no interest in helping. It is a sad reality, but history has proven it to be true.

As we go into Shabbat, let us remind ourselves and our children, that we must continue to lobby for Israel and for Jewish causes. Yet, let us not expect the world to be there to help us. We need to support Israel, our army and every Jewish cause that stands up to world in the effort of protecting each and every one of us.

Parshat Vayeitzei: Being Thankful For What We Have

The Gemara in Brachot (33b) says that one should thank Hashem for the bad that happens in his life the same way that he thanks Him for the good. What exactly did Chazal have in mind here? How can one possibly be thankful for the bad that happens to him? How can a poor person, who has nothing to eat, be as thankful as the wealthy man who affords the world’s finest delicacies? How can one who cannot afford to buy clothing for his children be as thankful as the man who affords closets full of clothing per child?

The Chofetz Chaim explains this with the following parable. A man once presented this question to a Rabbi and was told, “I also do not fully understand our Sages’ words, but we have a real tsaddik in our city who can certainly help you. He suffers a great deal, has barely anything to eat, sleeps on a hard bench and walks around barefoot. This man and his wife receive weekly charity to put the basic necessities on the table, and yet they live a happy life, serving Hashem with happiness, thanking Hashem for all that he has. This person will surely be able to help you understand the words of our sages. The man traveled to the home of this poor man and asked him how he understands the words of our Sages? How do you thank Hashem for all of the bad? To his surprise, the man responded, “You know, I also do not fully understand our Sages’ words. I am not the one who can help you since it seems to me that I never have had a bad day in my life; I lack nothing and Hashem has always been good to me.”

In reality, the tsaddik did not have a wonderful or easy life. But he was thankful for everything he had, and carried himself with a positive attitude which made his life a happy one. From where did he get this attitude? From which of our Avot or Imahot did he see this strength?

In parshat Vayeitzei, the Torah records the birth of Leah’s first four children: Reuven, Shimon, Levi and Yehudah, but the way the Torah characterizes the birth of the fourth son, Yehudah, is a bit odd. The Torah states:

ותהר עוד ותלד בן ותאמר הפעם אודה את ה׳, על כן קראה שמו יהודה, ותעמד מלדת. (כט:לה)

"And she became pregnant again and had a son; and she said: This time I will praise Hashem.” Therefore she called his name Yehudah.”

What does it mean that “this time” she thanked Hashem? Did she not thank Hashem upon the birth of her first three sons?

To make things even more confusing, Rashi on this pasuk quotes the Medrash that says, “From the day that Hashem created the world, no person came to thank Hashem until Leah came and thanked Him here in our parsha with הפעם אודה את ה׳. Why was she so thankful upon the birth of her fourth son? Rashi explains that Leah had a prophesy that through Yaakov there would be twelve tribes from his four wives. With the birth of her fourth son, she gave thanks for having a bigger portion than the other wives. (In actuality she would eventually have six sons).

As if our first question in understanding Chazal was not enough, how are we to possibly understand this Medrash? Leah was the first person to thank Hashem? Was Adam not thankful for being the first man to be created? Was Noach not thankful for being saved from the flood? Was Avraham not thankful for his wife and children? Not Yitzchak either? What does this mean? What is the message for us?

For those of us who are fortunate to have healthy children, we run the risk of taking them for granted. Not just their existence, but the added value that they each bring to the world. Leah understood that having another son meant having another entire tribe that would descend from her. With that came another tribe of people who would serve Hashem and do mitzvot. The domino effect would lead to millions of more mitzvot that would be attributed to Leah. Once Leah realized this, she was astonished and full of thanks.

This could also help us understand why she had more to thank than the Avot and Imahot before her. Until her time, no one had had so many sons to continue their legacy of service of Hashem. Adam only had Kain, Hevel and Sheit, Noach only had Shem, Avraham only had Yitzchak, and Yitzchak only had Yaakov. Leah had the zechut to raise four G-d fearing sons. She felt that having so much more than those before her, obligated her to be that much more thankful.

As Jews, we are called Yehudim, after this name of Yehudah. This name carries a responsibility of not just being thankful for everything we have, but to search for all of the things in our lives that we have to be thankful for. Like the Rabbi in the parable above, we have to see our very existence as a blessing. We have to see our family, our jobs, our community, even the petty things that we tend to focus on as blessings.

How can we teach ourselves to appreciate this reality?

I would argue that the place to start is to take our brachot more seriously. Chazal tell us that we should aim to recite one hundred brachot every day. It is for this reason -- if we are constantly thanking Hashem for what we have and focus on the words, we will come to recognize all of our blessings. Let us all focus on the brachot we recite when waking up in the morning, before we do mitzvot, when we daven, before and after we eat food. There is so much to be thankful for; we just have to open our eyes and see it.

Parshat Toldot: The Power of Peer Pressure

The parsha begins with Rivkah becoming pregnant with twins, and the Torah tells us:

ויתרצצו הבנים בקרבה, ותאמר אם כן למה זה אנכי, ותלך לדרוש את ה׳.

“The children agitated within her, and she said, “If so, why am I thus?” And she went to inquire of Hashem.”

There was something going on inside of her to such an extent that Rivkah needed guidance to support her feelings of distress. Rashi explains that the word ויתרצצו comes from the root רץ, to run. The distress of Rivkah would be incited whenever she would pass by the Torah Academy of Shem and Eber as Yaakov would “run” towards the beit medrash in desire to learn from them, whereas when she passed a house of idol worship, Eisav would “run” and struggle to get out.

The Brisker Rav asks a simple, often unnoticed question. Why did Yaakov want to leave the womb of Rivka to go learn in the yeshiva of Shem and Eber? Was he not already learning in the womb with the angel of Hashem? Chazal teach us that every baby learns the entire magnum opus of Torah while in the womb. As great as Shem and Eber were, could they present a Torah more sweet and grand as the angel of Hashem?

The Beit Halevi gives an astonishing answer to this question. Since Yaakov was in the womb, in the presence of his evil brother Eisav, it was better for him to lose out on learning with an angel, rather than associating  with a wicked person.

I believe this insight vastly enhances the meaning of a famous Mishnah in Pirkei Avot (Chapter 1, Mishnah 7) which says, הרחק משכן רע, ואל תתחבר לרשע. “Distance yourself from a bad neighbor and do not associate yourself with a wicked person.”  The Avot D’Rebi Natan explains one should not associate with a wicked person, even to learn Torah. Meaning, one might think it is ok to befriend the wicked to learn Torah, but Chazal in this Mishnah and the Torah in our parsha are telling us one you should never get close and associate with the wicked.

Taking this one step further, the Vilna Gaon says, “Do not associate with the wicked,” even to bring him closer to Torah. Really? Even if our intent is to bring the wicked closer to Torah, we should not do it? Why is this so?

Let’s ask one more question before we try and understand the deeper message here. The exact words in the Mishnah in Avot immediately preceding this says והוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות, “that you should give everyone the benefit of the doubt.” Does it make sense to go straight from giving the benefit of the doubt to not even going near the wicked, even to learn Torah or to try and bring him closer to Torah?

I believe the message here is crucial for all of us. We live in an inclusive society, which for the most part is very positive. We encourage acceptance of differences, not being judgmental, having an open mind and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. But the Torah is teaching us that we should not be inclusive when it jeopardizes our religious stability or that of  our families. True Torah observance and commitment requires strength, consistency, and the ability to rise above peer pressure. This is even more difficult in today’s society where there is so much pulling at us, much of which can be tugging at our religious sensitivities. Yaakov is teaching us that it is better to leave the best chavruta in the world, the angel of Hashem, rather than associate with the wicked. To avoid negative religious influences, are your challenges as big as that? What do you have to give up to ensure you and your children remain close to the pathways of the Torah?