Parshat Toldot: The Power of Peer Pressure

The parsha begins with Rivkah becoming pregnant with twins, and the Torah tells us:

ויתרצצו הבנים בקרבה, ותאמר אם כן למה זה אנכי, ותלך לדרוש את ה׳.

“The children agitated within her, and she said, “If so, why am I thus?” And she went to inquire of Hashem.”

There was something going on inside of her to such an extent that Rivkah needed guidance to support her feelings of distress. Rashi explains that the word ויתרצצו comes from the root רץ, to run. The distress of Rivkah would be incited whenever she would pass by the Torah Academy of Shem and Eber as Yaakov would “run” towards the beit medrash in desire to learn from them, whereas when she passed a house of idol worship, Eisav would “run” and struggle to get out.

The Brisker Rav asks a simple, often unnoticed question. Why did Yaakov want to leave the womb of Rivka to go learn in the yeshiva of Shem and Eber? Was he not already learning in the womb with the angel of Hashem? Chazal teach us that every baby learns the entire magnum opus of Torah while in the womb. As great as Shem and Eber were, could they present a Torah more sweet and grand as the angel of Hashem?

The Beit Halevi gives an astonishing answer to this question. Since Yaakov was in the womb, in the presence of his evil brother Eisav, it was better for him to lose out on learning with an angel, rather than associating  with a wicked person.

I believe this insight vastly enhances the meaning of a famous Mishnah in Pirkei Avot (Chapter 1, Mishnah 7) which says, הרחק משכן רע, ואל תתחבר לרשע. “Distance yourself from a bad neighbor and do not associate yourself with a wicked person.”  The Avot D’Rebi Natan explains one should not associate with a wicked person, even to learn Torah. Meaning, one might think it is ok to befriend the wicked to learn Torah, but Chazal in this Mishnah and the Torah in our parsha are telling us one you should never get close and associate with the wicked.

Taking this one step further, the Vilna Gaon says, “Do not associate with the wicked,” even to bring him closer to Torah. Really? Even if our intent is to bring the wicked closer to Torah, we should not do it? Why is this so?

Let’s ask one more question before we try and understand the deeper message here. The exact words in the Mishnah in Avot immediately preceding this says והוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות, “that you should give everyone the benefit of the doubt.” Does it make sense to go straight from giving the benefit of the doubt to not even going near the wicked, even to learn Torah or to try and bring him closer to Torah?

I believe the message here is crucial for all of us. We live in an inclusive society, which for the most part is very positive. We encourage acceptance of differences, not being judgmental, having an open mind and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. But the Torah is teaching us that we should not be inclusive when it jeopardizes our religious stability or that of  our families. True Torah observance and commitment requires strength, consistency, and the ability to rise above peer pressure. This is even more difficult in today’s society where there is so much pulling at us, much of which can be tugging at our religious sensitivities. Yaakov is teaching us that it is better to leave the best chavruta in the world, the angel of Hashem, rather than associate with the wicked. To avoid negative religious influences, are your challenges as big as that? What do you have to give up to ensure you and your children remain close to the pathways of the Torah?