Parshat Yayishlach - Sticking Up for Ourselves

In the early 1900’s when street lamps were first being installed in Israel, one of the first to be installed was done on the street of the tzadik known as the Chazon Ishe. One evening as he was walking home with his students, he stopped and abruptly said, “You see, we can all learn something from these new lights.” The students were intrigued to hear what he meant by this. He said that when you are far away from the lights, your shadow is very big, but as you move closer to the light, your shadow shrinks until it is totally gone. The Chazon Ishe said that the same is true with Torah. When you are far from it, you think you are big; you think the Torah is small and there isn’t much to it. But the more Torah you learn and the closer you get to it, the more you realize how big it is, how small you are and how much more there is to learn.

This story came to me this week when I began to review the troublesome story of Shechem, Dinah and ultimately Shimon and Levi killing out the entire city. I came into the story with many questions that I had hoped to explore and find answers to. But because the Torah is so huge, I ended up exploring an entirely different question. Here it goes:

The Torah tells us that Yaakov and his sons were outraged with Shechem and his attempt to take Dinah. Shimon and Levi plotted together to get Shechem and his city to undergo a Brit Milah so that they would weaken, allowing them to be killed more easily. That in fact turned into reality, and on the third day after the Brit, Shimon and Levi went ahead and killed Shechem, his father and the entire city. The question that I never asked myself was, why didn’t anyone come to the aid of Shechem and his people? Shechem was a popular and powerful individual and it must have taken some time to kill all of the men in the city. Why didn’t intervene to fight off Shimon and Levi?

An old friend of mine, Jeff Kirshblum, in his book, “Thinking Outside of the Box” suggests a sad, but novel answer. He says the unfortunate reality is that throughout Jewish History, we have had to look out for ourselves since none of our neighbors are willing to lookout for us. Despite terrorist acts against the Jews in Israel, the world continues to ignore us.

Just last week with the killing of Ezra Schwartz a”h, despite him being an American citizen, the President of the United States did not come out publicly to denounce the attacks. Even for a U.S. citizen? his how the world works and we as Jews have to recognize it, so that we continue to look out for each other and ourselves. Perhaps with this we can understand why no one came to the aid of Shechem and his people. Once they took the step to have a Brit Milah, the rest of the world saw them as on the road to being Jews, and thus had no interest in helping. It is a sad reality, but history has proven it to be true.

As we go into Shabbat, let us remind ourselves and our children, that we must continue to lobby for Israel and for Jewish causes. Yet, let us not expect the world to be there to help us. We need to support Israel, our army and every Jewish cause that stands up to world in the effort of protecting each and every one of us.

Parshat Vayeitzei: Being Thankful For What We Have

The Gemara in Brachot (33b) says that one should thank Hashem for the bad that happens in his life the same way that he thanks Him for the good. What exactly did Chazal have in mind here? How can one possibly be thankful for the bad that happens to him? How can a poor person, who has nothing to eat, be as thankful as the wealthy man who affords the world’s finest delicacies? How can one who cannot afford to buy clothing for his children be as thankful as the man who affords closets full of clothing per child?

The Chofetz Chaim explains this with the following parable. A man once presented this question to a Rabbi and was told, “I also do not fully understand our Sages’ words, but we have a real tsaddik in our city who can certainly help you. He suffers a great deal, has barely anything to eat, sleeps on a hard bench and walks around barefoot. This man and his wife receive weekly charity to put the basic necessities on the table, and yet they live a happy life, serving Hashem with happiness, thanking Hashem for all that he has. This person will surely be able to help you understand the words of our sages. The man traveled to the home of this poor man and asked him how he understands the words of our Sages? How do you thank Hashem for all of the bad? To his surprise, the man responded, “You know, I also do not fully understand our Sages’ words. I am not the one who can help you since it seems to me that I never have had a bad day in my life; I lack nothing and Hashem has always been good to me.”

In reality, the tsaddik did not have a wonderful or easy life. But he was thankful for everything he had, and carried himself with a positive attitude which made his life a happy one. From where did he get this attitude? From which of our Avot or Imahot did he see this strength?

In parshat Vayeitzei, the Torah records the birth of Leah’s first four children: Reuven, Shimon, Levi and Yehudah, but the way the Torah characterizes the birth of the fourth son, Yehudah, is a bit odd. The Torah states:

ותהר עוד ותלד בן ותאמר הפעם אודה את ה׳, על כן קראה שמו יהודה, ותעמד מלדת. (כט:לה)

"And she became pregnant again and had a son; and she said: This time I will praise Hashem.” Therefore she called his name Yehudah.”

What does it mean that “this time” she thanked Hashem? Did she not thank Hashem upon the birth of her first three sons?

To make things even more confusing, Rashi on this pasuk quotes the Medrash that says, “From the day that Hashem created the world, no person came to thank Hashem until Leah came and thanked Him here in our parsha with הפעם אודה את ה׳. Why was she so thankful upon the birth of her fourth son? Rashi explains that Leah had a prophesy that through Yaakov there would be twelve tribes from his four wives. With the birth of her fourth son, she gave thanks for having a bigger portion than the other wives. (In actuality she would eventually have six sons).

As if our first question in understanding Chazal was not enough, how are we to possibly understand this Medrash? Leah was the first person to thank Hashem? Was Adam not thankful for being the first man to be created? Was Noach not thankful for being saved from the flood? Was Avraham not thankful for his wife and children? Not Yitzchak either? What does this mean? What is the message for us?

For those of us who are fortunate to have healthy children, we run the risk of taking them for granted. Not just their existence, but the added value that they each bring to the world. Leah understood that having another son meant having another entire tribe that would descend from her. With that came another tribe of people who would serve Hashem and do mitzvot. The domino effect would lead to millions of more mitzvot that would be attributed to Leah. Once Leah realized this, she was astonished and full of thanks.

This could also help us understand why she had more to thank than the Avot and Imahot before her. Until her time, no one had had so many sons to continue their legacy of service of Hashem. Adam only had Kain, Hevel and Sheit, Noach only had Shem, Avraham only had Yitzchak, and Yitzchak only had Yaakov. Leah had the zechut to raise four G-d fearing sons. She felt that having so much more than those before her, obligated her to be that much more thankful.

As Jews, we are called Yehudim, after this name of Yehudah. This name carries a responsibility of not just being thankful for everything we have, but to search for all of the things in our lives that we have to be thankful for. Like the Rabbi in the parable above, we have to see our very existence as a blessing. We have to see our family, our jobs, our community, even the petty things that we tend to focus on as blessings.

How can we teach ourselves to appreciate this reality?

I would argue that the place to start is to take our brachot more seriously. Chazal tell us that we should aim to recite one hundred brachot every day. It is for this reason -- if we are constantly thanking Hashem for what we have and focus on the words, we will come to recognize all of our blessings. Let us all focus on the brachot we recite when waking up in the morning, before we do mitzvot, when we daven, before and after we eat food. There is so much to be thankful for; we just have to open our eyes and see it.

Parshat Toldot: The Power of Peer Pressure

The parsha begins with Rivkah becoming pregnant with twins, and the Torah tells us:

ויתרצצו הבנים בקרבה, ותאמר אם כן למה זה אנכי, ותלך לדרוש את ה׳.

“The children agitated within her, and she said, “If so, why am I thus?” And she went to inquire of Hashem.”

There was something going on inside of her to such an extent that Rivkah needed guidance to support her feelings of distress. Rashi explains that the word ויתרצצו comes from the root רץ, to run. The distress of Rivkah would be incited whenever she would pass by the Torah Academy of Shem and Eber as Yaakov would “run” towards the beit medrash in desire to learn from them, whereas when she passed a house of idol worship, Eisav would “run” and struggle to get out.

The Brisker Rav asks a simple, often unnoticed question. Why did Yaakov want to leave the womb of Rivka to go learn in the yeshiva of Shem and Eber? Was he not already learning in the womb with the angel of Hashem? Chazal teach us that every baby learns the entire magnum opus of Torah while in the womb. As great as Shem and Eber were, could they present a Torah more sweet and grand as the angel of Hashem?

The Beit Halevi gives an astonishing answer to this question. Since Yaakov was in the womb, in the presence of his evil brother Eisav, it was better for him to lose out on learning with an angel, rather than associating  with a wicked person.

I believe this insight vastly enhances the meaning of a famous Mishnah in Pirkei Avot (Chapter 1, Mishnah 7) which says, הרחק משכן רע, ואל תתחבר לרשע. “Distance yourself from a bad neighbor and do not associate yourself with a wicked person.”  The Avot D’Rebi Natan explains one should not associate with a wicked person, even to learn Torah. Meaning, one might think it is ok to befriend the wicked to learn Torah, but Chazal in this Mishnah and the Torah in our parsha are telling us one you should never get close and associate with the wicked.

Taking this one step further, the Vilna Gaon says, “Do not associate with the wicked,” even to bring him closer to Torah. Really? Even if our intent is to bring the wicked closer to Torah, we should not do it? Why is this so?

Let’s ask one more question before we try and understand the deeper message here. The exact words in the Mishnah in Avot immediately preceding this says והוי דן את כל האדם לכף זכות, “that you should give everyone the benefit of the doubt.” Does it make sense to go straight from giving the benefit of the doubt to not even going near the wicked, even to learn Torah or to try and bring him closer to Torah?

I believe the message here is crucial for all of us. We live in an inclusive society, which for the most part is very positive. We encourage acceptance of differences, not being judgmental, having an open mind and giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. But the Torah is teaching us that we should not be inclusive when it jeopardizes our religious stability or that of  our families. True Torah observance and commitment requires strength, consistency, and the ability to rise above peer pressure. This is even more difficult in today’s society where there is so much pulling at us, much of which can be tugging at our religious sensitivities. Yaakov is teaching us that it is better to leave the best chavruta in the world, the angel of Hashem, rather than associate with the wicked. To avoid negative religious influences, are your challenges as big as that? What do you have to give up to ensure you and your children remain close to the pathways of the Torah?

Parshat Chayei Sarah - Living Life to the Fullest

Many commentators wonder,  why do we call this week’s parsha “Chayei Sarah - The Life of Sarah,” when the Parsha discusses the events surrounding her death? Shouldn’t it be called “The Death of Sarah?”

Let us look at the opening pasuk to the parsha and ask a few more questions.

ויהיו חיי שרה מאה שנה ועשרים שנה ושבע שנים שני חיי שרה. (כג:א)

“Sarah’s Lifetime was one hundred years, and twenty years, and seven years; the years of Sarah’s Life.”

Why does the pasuk repeat at the end, “The years of Sarah?” It already said “and these are the years” of Sarah’s lifetime?

The 2nd pasuk in the parsha says, ״ויבא אברהם לספוד לשרה ולבכתה״ - “And Avraham came to eulogize Sarah and to cry over her loss.” The Medrash asks, from where did Avraham come from? Rebbi Levi says that he came from burying his father Terach. Rebbi Yossi says that cannot be true because the burial of his father took place two years before the death of Sarah. Rather, he was coming from Har Hamoriah.

Let us attempt to answer these questions in tandem:

Rav Yehoshua Weinberg quotes Chazal who say  ״רשעים בחייהם קרויים מתים״, “the lifetime of the wicked are considered as if they are dead.” This means that only people who live a life focused on improving their relationship with Hashem and their commitment to mitzvoth are actually alive. Those who choose to ignore the mitzvoth and do not live a life of personal growth, are not considered to be “alive.” This also explains the pasuk that says ״כי לא אחפוץ במות המת״, that Hashem does not desire the death of the Rasha, the evil one who does not focus on his relationship with Hashem, i.e the one who is considered “dead” while he is physically alive. Rather, Hashem wants him to do teshuvah and return to Him so he can be deemed righteous before he dies.

Sarah Imeinu truly lived her life. As Rashi says, she was just as perfect at age 100 as she was at age 20. She spent her entire life bringing people closer to monotheism and a life of commitment;  she truly “lived” every day of her breathing life. For this reason, the Torah tells us twice that these were “the years” of Sarah’s life - a true, meaningful life.

When considering the Medrash above that discussed from where did Avraham come, Rav Shach explains there is actually no argument here, but both opinions are correct. How can this be? Since Sarah was 127, was there such a need for a sad, drawn out eulogy? After all, she lived a full life? Rabbi Levi is saying that the eulogy was as follows: Avraham was Avraham the Ivri, and he stood up to the entire world. They were all idol worshippers and he was the one voice of reason that understood the trueness of Hashem. How could he stand alone against the entire world? The answer is, Sarah, for she was his partner and supporter of his work. This is what Rebbi Levi meant when he said that Avraham came from the burial of Terach; that he came to eulogize Sarah “from the burial of Terach,” meaning he came from the point of view of the one who helped him “bury” the idols of Terach. As if to say that without her, Avraham would not have been able to rid his father’s house and certainly not the many others in the world of the idols in their midst.

In contrast, Rebbi Yossi says that Avraham “came from Har Hamoriah.” Avraham was 100 years old when Yitzchak was born and then he was commanded to sacrifice him. How could he do that? He spent his entire life teaching people not to kill, to be good and to act in a kind manner. How would Avraham explain this to everyone? And yet, despite all this, Avraham accepted the mission, as did Yitzchak who went along knowing what his fate would be! Even when the Angel came to stop Avraham from sacrificing Yitzchak, Avraham and Yitzchak were not sure if they should alter the plan until Hashem gave them a sign that he had changed the plan. Where did Yitzchak get such strength and drive from? It must have been from the chinuch of his mother, Sarah. This is what he Madrash meant -- that Avraham came from Har Hamoriah, that he came from the mountain or the rock of his his life and the that of  his son; Sarah. Without her, none of this would have been possible.

There are a few lessons to take away here:

1. We live in a society where so much is pulling at us in directions that are contrary to a Torah lifestyle. Don’t fool yourself into thinking this is just our challenge. Avraham’s challenge was harder; he and Sarah were alone. We are not alone and we have so many learning opportunities and Rabbis who can guide us to a proper life of Torah observance. Let us all take advantage of those opportunities.

2. We shouldn’t fool ourselves into thinking that “righteous” and “evil” are terms that we define on our own. Hashem has defined it as Torah observance; as commitment to improving our observance of mitzvot. We need to remember that there is both the mitzvoth between Man and G-d, but that there are also the mitzvoth between Man and his fellow man. They both are necessary, and Hashem looks at both areas of our lives.

3. Let us never underestimate the impact we have on our children. They watch our every move. They notice when we yell and scream. They notice when we cut corners. They notice when we daven and when we don’t. They notice when we go to shul and when we don’t. They notice everything. Let’s focus on the important messages we want them to see in us, and then be sure to act in ways that support that.

This was the life of Sarah - and what a life it was!